You thought life was perfect, just wait
by SweetStairwellKisses
Summary: Arizona's backstory of why she's afraid of having kids and giving her heart fully to Callie. Just my way.    IF ANYONE HAS ANY SUGGESTION INBOX ME
1. Footsteps and Screams

**You thought life was perfect...just wait.**

**AN- I do not own anything. Shonda Rhimes does. :) Madeline is the only thing that I own. **

**Rated: K+/T**

**Characters: Joanne, Arizona and Callie. **

Joanne was her first love. She was the only person who knew her secrets, kissed away her tears and caused her to be the happiest person in the entire world. Arizona hadn't always been a commitment phobe. She didn't want kids, she wanted the picket white fence, the dogs running around the yard, a chicken coop full of hens to raise. It was her dream, her life style. Kids never fit in that picture. It wasn't because she was unwomanly, or unable to parent a child. She didn't want to. That ship had been conquered once and she didn't want it to set sail again. She was done with all of that. Never again would she really consider the idea of bringing a child into her relationship. Joanne had followed her to the same college, and they started to explore their relationship more. The parties and such had taken Joanne away a lot. One night she got drunk and fell in bed with a boy down on the first floor. Arizona could hardly handle the news. Not only was she pissed and unforgiving to an extent, she was sickened and disgusted with the boy and his friends who ruined the innocent nature of her girlfriend. A few weeks later, Arizona found herself at the ob/gyn office with Joanne, getting a pregnancy test done. She couldn't tell Joanne no. That wasn't an option, no matter how upset she was with the entire situation.

Flash to around ten months later, Arizona stood in front of the nursery window with Joanne. They just watched with the family gone and such. Even if things were rocky and unknowing Arizona, Arizona could hardly keep this little girl from holding her heart. She was such a beautiful baby and she could only smile. Joanne had turned in a mother before her eyes. She was 22, she was still a baby to most. Arizona, 23 was still too young, in her eyes to play mother to her child. But telling that to herself wasn't going to go over to well. She'd never listen to that little voice in her head that was telling her not to get attached. She'd had a few relationships with women through out their on and off times, and before Joanne, but things weren't in stone. Joanne could run away just like anyone else. It terrified Arizona to think about that. Losing such a stable part of her life. She didn't want to think about that. Taking the little one home was so rewarding. They had put up a crib and such in their apartment. Just enough to get by on their paychecks. It wasn't spectacular, but it was life. An they had to do whatever they needed to make sure all three of them stayed happy and content.

Life went and came like it had for the past four years, each day Madeline grew bigger, holding Arizona's heart closer than ever. She was such a happy child and Arizona could hardly contain her joy. Madeline laughed, talked, and lived life to the fullest which warmed them all. She looked just like her mother, and Arizona knew that held her much closer. Not to mention adopting the little girl, caused her heart to burst with love. Her and Joanne's love life wasn't all that great, it had certainly lost the steam it once held, but their was still romantic nights and cuddling, stolen kisses in the mornings. It wasn't completely dry and burned out. Arizona didn't want a relationship that held strong for at least seven years burn to a fizzle overnight. Thankfully when she put in the effort for a good date or such, Joanne at least matched the effort. It wasn't all the time, but Arizona wasn't going to complain at all when it did come around.

That Halloween though wasn't the best, it was far, far, from it. Madeline had been out trick or treating with them. She was already 2 years in med school, training to become the most amazing pediatric surgeon she could be. Madeline's presence and being in her life caused her to choose the specialty and career. The neighborhood they had chosen was your basic storybook style neighborhood. Big yards, adorable houses, neighbors sharing stories at the end of the streets, yellow and oranges leaves bustled around hurriedly along the sidewalks as the window blew. The smell of carmel apples and apple cider hung in the air. It was certainly fall, it was a happy fall until something happened. Something that Arizona never liked discussing. It had ruined that being of her. The happy, go lucky girl who smiled and laughed at anything had been taken away. She lost a piece of herself to say honestly. Never before did she dislike a holiday more than she did Halloween. Madeline's footsteps, Joanne's footsteps and their screams that filled the air were blaring through their ears. Everything else had faded away. She couldn't run fast enough, nor did she want to move. Her body wasn't complying with anything her brain told her to do.

**AN- So I'm waiting until tonight to update a little more. :) What happens that has Arizona so distraught about things? Read and review if you wish. :)**


	2. My Heart is Flatlining

**A/N- This is the second chapter I promise tonight. :)**

Listening to the loud screams of her partner and their daughter, Arizona turned around. "Madeline! Joanne!" She remembered yelling those two names. Arizona couldn't remember if her voice was audible or not. She was too invested in the scene was was sadly replaying in front of her face. A single car, one moment where the driver's eyes weren't on the road, ended Arizona's entire world. The screeching of the rubber tires caused her to turn on her ear, the black coloring laid a slight blanket on the road. Moving her eyes a few feet up the road blood trickled the pavement. Blood from her daughter. Her daughter had been hit and run over. At least one tire had done enough damage to cause massive injuries. The poor girl was only 4. Her life had barely started. She was just learning how to write. She'd just learned how to tie her shoes, and most of all she still loved sleeping right between her and Joanne. This little girl would probably never walk again, not to mention the massive, internal injuries that could mean life or death. Looking at Joanne, Arizona immediately dialed 911. Only a few seconds had went by, but Arizona felt like minutes were racing by. Joanne was a wreck and Arizona was desperately trying to stabilize the bleeding and at least keep their baby girl coherent and up.

"Baby girl, it's mommy. I need you to stay awake for me okay. I'm taking you to the hospital baby." Arizona whispered softly to her, salty tears rolling down her pale cheeks. "We're going to to get you into surgery and make you better. Your going to be better baby I promise." Madeline was going in and out of consciousness. Arizona wasn't sure how much longer she would last if they didn't get her to the hospital. "It's hurts mommy." Little Madeline whispered to the blonde, her voice turning raspy. Arizona felt like she was doing enough, but in all reality she was doing all she could. Hearing the sirens wailing, her eyes filling with the flicker of lights, Arizona's heart raced. This was the only chance her daughter. Why didn't the drive her see her damn it? Her heart was sinking with sadness. The candy that filled her bag was laid out on the pavement in an cluttered arrangement. As they loaded Madeline, Arizona pulled Joanne into her arms and loaded them on the ambulance, filling the small bench on the inside of the small van.

Arizona's heart stopped when she found out she was the only pediatric surgeon on call. She wasn't an attending yet, but since she had started her first resident year, Arizona filled in. Only if there wasn't a surgeon available. The vibration of her beeper in her pocket widened her eyes, 911 trauma running across the small screen. _Damn it. _Arizona whispered to herself. She couldn't stop the new well of tears that filled her eyes. The upcoming situation was making the butterflies flutter in her stomach, not in a good way. It was that feeling you got before the scary scenes in a horror movie. Getting through that scene required so much braveness and confidence. That was what she was going to bring to the operating room. Then again, she wasn't a patient who loved Barbies, or whose favorite game was hide and seek. This was her Madeline, the 4 year old who loved her, the little girl who looked exactly like her mother, kissed her on the cheek each night and had her totally wrapped her around her finger.

Before scrubbing in, Joanne and Arizona stood in the prep room taking a few seconds to tell their little girl that they loved her and everything. "Sweetie, your going to make it through this. We're going to go trick and treating next year again. An Christmas is coming up. It's going to be so much fun and we need you hear." Joanne whispered into her hair, her tears soaking Madeline's pale, cold skin. Arizona had to bit her tongue to keep the tears at bay, the salty drops hitting her tongue, along with the irony taste of her own blood. "Kiddo mommy is going to make you better okay. She's going to make you feel so much better. You just have to stay here with us. Mommy and I don't know what we'd do without you sweetie." Arizona nodded at the transport nurse when they signaled the OR was ready.

"Come on babe." Arizona whispered to her scrub attired girlfriend. She was going to be in the scrub room. Arizona couldn't operate with Joanne in the room, but then again she needed her presence to feel centered. Looking down at the little girl on her table, Arizona had to take a breath and say a little prayer. She only had one opportunity to be successful at extending their little one's life. Starting the operation, Arizona couldn't control the bleeding. She had a collapsed lung, and she was bleeding internally. There was nothing she could do. "NO! NO! NO!" She screamed in the OR when the monitor flat lined. "GET A CRASH CART!" She sobbed sadly, starting chest compressions on the little girl's chest. The clocked ticked by, the minute hand moving a tick mark at a time. "Dr. Robbins she's been down for around 10 minutes. The chest compressions aren't working." The nurse said softly, hoping not to break Arizona's concentration.

Sinking down to her knees, she heard Joanne's sobbing. "Why, why?" She cried sadly looking at her girlfriend who was just as distraught as she was. "Our baby is gone. I can't handle this. I remember when we brought her home from the hospital." Arizona cried sadly, looking at the clock. "Time of death. 9 o'clock p.m." She sobbed out, her mascara running down her cheeks. The house was silent, neither of them talked. The only thing they did was cry, and cry a little more. The day of the funeral, was the worst day of her entire life. Burying your child was the last thing a parent wanted to do. Arizona vowed that day that she'd never have another child. She didn't want to have another child fill her life. Her patients were a different story, but she didn't want to share another child with a partner. Loving a child and becoming so attached to a child was the most rewarding and loving feeling you could have. Once it's taken away, trying to love a new child doesn't feel right. Sharing your love with another child feels like replacing. Soon after, Arizona and Joanne drifted apart. Neither of them could share and truly express their grief.

**A/N- There we are with the reply I promise. An if I feel up in a bit to write more I'll do it. :) Read and Review if you want. :) **

**Next: What happens to Joanne? **


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